“Screwing up is not your special skill. Get over it.” ~ Jen Sincero, You Are A Badass
Ever feel that way? Because I sure as heck do.
I don’t care what the topic is…parenting…work…fitness…this general sense of “I’m not good enough and I don’t deserve good things” seems to sneak into our psyche and stop us from all the awesome things that we COULD be creating, accomplishing, and sharing.
And all to often we don’t start or we quit too soon, because we’re so afraid of failing or proving to ourselves that our worst fears about ourselves are true.
As someone who is a card carrying member ofthe “I’m a disaster club,” all I have to say is that it’s time to get off that train.
Are you human trying to learn a new skill or get better at something?
Just accept that:
A) that makes you awesome
B) You are gonna mess it up
C) You’ll get there eventually and it will make you + your life even more awesome.
But you gotta be willing to go outside your comfort zone and let things get messy.
Which brings me to my real intention for today’s post.
For the past 6 months, I’ve had ongoing bouts of insomnia and it’s sucked.
I’d go to bed and wake up at 2, 3, and 4 am unable to fall asleep.
Cue wandering the house like a ghost (because what else are you going to do at that hour?!), feeling awful and cranky during the day, and having to try 200% harder to complete even simple tasks.
It’s amazing I got anything done.
I tried everything to fix my sleep.
I gave up caffeine and then resumed caffeine. I slept in a separate room from my husband. I banished the dog from the bedroom. I tried melatonin and blackout curtains.
I even paid $178 for an independent blood panel, because I thought…maybe there’s something wrong with my blood?!
(Nope. My blood was fine).
This week, I texted my friend Tanya, who teaches meditation and said “HAAALLLLP! My sleep sucks and I’m desperate enough that I’ll try anything. Including this gong banging nonsense.”
And because she’s a better person than me, she forgave my snark and suggested that I try left nostril breathing for 3 minutes before going to bed.
(FYI left nostril breathing = plugging your right nostril and breathing out of your left one #rocketscience).
I then asked her if I needed a playlist for this and she told me no, but gave me a link to someone banging on bowls, because I wanted the legit experience 😉
(Also, the bowl banging thing is actually kinda soothing).
For 3 nights I’ve breathed out of my left nostril listening to wind chimes praying my husband wouldn’t catch me in the act.
For 3 nights I’ve slept all the way through the night.
I’ve also stopped drinking caffeine almost completely, because I know it’s part of the problem and even though I’m less productive, I’m limiting how much time I’ve spent working on projects, because if I’m honest I feel overextended.
Which is to say I didn’t need $178 blood test to figure out how to solve my problem and take care of myself. I just needed to slow down, own my anxiety, and take steps to control it.
Oh and breathe, which costs zero dollars. Funny how that works.
But it’s one thing to know what you need. It’s another thing to act on it. The action part is hard and even a little scary.
It’s why we struggle with fitness, nutrition, and health.
It’s why I find meditation terrifying. I’m always a little afraid that if I stand still, I’ll never start back up again.
It’s hard for me to sacrifice productivity for health. I know that sounds crazy, but I also know I’m not alone in this struggle.
I’m also tired of feeling like a giant spaz and I’m working on addressing this. I know it’s gonna be a friggen process, which is why when Tanya said she was starting a 40 day accountability group for meditation where she’d tell me exactly what to do, I said “Okay” and tried to limit the number of hippy green juice jokes.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, the only way to level up your health, your life, or your business is to get your head on straight.
While I’d like to think I’ve done a lot of work in this regard, I believe finding a way to foster stillness may very well be the next step in this process.
And if you’re thinking you could use a little help in this department, please consider this a no pressure invite to join me in Tanya’s group.
It’s completely free and there’s zero sales pitch. I just know when I’m struggling with something, it means others might be too.
If you wanna join me in this process, you can sign up here.
And if you’re like “Nah, I’m good, but my sleep could use some help and imma try that nostril breathing, gong banging action,” then sweet! Drop a comment and let me know how it goes <3
To owning + rocking your crazy.